My Gut

Some people believe it is mother’s intuition, others believe it is a gut feeling. Some people don’t believe it at all. Its that feeling you get in the deepest part of your heart when you know something that others don’t know about your child. I don’t know for certain where it comes from but I do believe. Brooke is my oldest child, my first baby. I didn’t believe I had “it” when she was a baby. I listened to the doctor’s advice and did what she told me to do. I asked my husband, my mother, my friends, everyone but myself how to care for that baby. It was great to get their feedback, and they were usually right. But occasionally, my “gut” would tell me different. I didn’t trust it at first. What did I know? I was a new mom. But now I know different. A doctor can say she’s well but I know when she’s sick. A teacher can tell me she’s doing fine, but I know when she’s struggling. Even Brooke can tell me, “I’m ok,” but I know when she is not. I’ve been wrong before, it’s not an exact science. But my odds are pretty good thus far. Poor Brooke had her tonsils out today. It took about 2 years for someone to finally agree with me that she needed the surgery. I had just about given up until the nice man who had to do her 20th throat culture in just 4 years said to me, “Are her tonsils always huge?” He was a Nigerian man with a wonderful accent who made even the word “tonsils” sound lovely. I replied, “I think they are always huge but her doctor seems to think they are just big, not sick.” “No ma’am, they are sick. They are so swollen, they are touching each other. You need to see an ENT this week.” And that was it. I made the appointment, the expert on tonsils and adenoids and all things throat related agreed. So why didn’t I trust my gut years before when the chronic sore throat began? I should have done this 2 years ago. She’s miserable tonight. Her throat hurts and her ears ache. She doesn’t like not getting to eat her favorite foods and the medicine makes her loopy but it will all be worth it when she gets through a school year missing less than 14 days. I trust my gut when it tells me she’s upset, mad, lying or embarrassed. Why didn’t I trust it this time? I knew her tonsils were making her sick over and over again. I knew that her tummy aches and headaches were not normal. I didn’t listen to “it.” Well, I’m listening now. I know way down deep in the deepest part of my heart that we did the right thing today. My gut is telling me she’s going to be just fine and I believe it!